The
World’s Perception of Stepmothers
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By Gina
Shuster
 Close
your eyes for a moment. What is the first thing that comes to mind
when you hear the word “Stepmother”? If you are one yourself, it’s
probably a fairly normal person. With flaws yes, but also with some
good, redeeming qualities. If you are outside of the stepmother
community, the image you got is probably that of a woman who is
evil. Dare I say it, “Wicked”. A woman, whose stepchildren despise
her existence and who, in turn, treats them rotten. A woman who
probably had something to do with the breakup of the marriage, thereby
splitting apart a happy family.
What is it about just the word stepmother that conjures up such
awful images and makes people cringe and the mere mention of it?
Why is it when you tell someone you’re a stepmother, they feel they
have free reign to ask personal and inappropriate questions such
as, “Oh. Well how do your stepchildren feel about that?” or “Really?
Do you get along with the mother?” Is all of this association just
from the fairy tales? I think it has to be more.
When a woman is single and dating, it’s perfectly acceptable for
her to announce that she will not date a man with children. Friends
and family support her in this. She would be the one suffering if
she did. If however, you do date and then, gasp, marry said man;
YOU become the evil one. The one causing suffering, rather than
dealing with it yourself. If you dare state that you might be suffering,
you’re greeted with the ever-popular response of, “Well, you knew
what you were getting into.”
Few people outside of blended families ever associate the word Stepmother
with kindness or compatibility or can even think that perhaps she
is someone who the stepchildren not only like, but whose lives are
being enhanced by her being in it. People watch closely and if a
stepmother dare look funny at her stepchildren, see she is evil.
I’ve experienced this in my own family. People who know me and know
what kind of person I am. That I have a good heart and treat others
with kindness and respect. Even still, I’m a stepmother and so they
watch my every move with my stepdaughter. I’m told that I’m too
hard on her, even if my sister does/says the same to her children.
I’m told that I should love her as my own, but don’t dare discipline
or make decisions for her. I should treat her equal to my son, but
never confuse that I am not her parent.
Just the word “Stepmother” has such a negative association to it.
Will that ever change? The sad truth is that when most people hear
the word, the first thing that comes to their mind is “Wicked.”
Seldom, if ever, do people say, “Wow, that's great. Good for you
for taking that on.” Or, “How lucky your stepchild is to have you
in his/her life.” It seems to be out of the realm of most people’s
conception, that a stepmother can actually be a good, positive thing.
Although I’m skeptical, I’d also like to be optimistic in my thinking
that someday, maybe, the word “Stepmother” will bring thoughts of
“Parent” rather than the dreaded ,“Wicked.”
Gina is the owner
and one of the co-founders of Stepmom Station. She lives in NJ with
her husband, sons and stepdaughter.
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