The
Very Young Stepchild, continued...
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By Julie
W.
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 Read
parenting books/child development books
Even if you are good with children and feel like you are very capable
with your caretaking, I highly, highly recommend reading a variety
of parenting and child development books. Don’t take the words of
the books as law, since the advice can vary so much, but do note
what applies to your life and the child in it. This is a great way
to discern what is normal, age appropriate behavior with your stepchild,
and what is abnormal. You can also pick up tons of useful tips for
everything from grooming to ending bedtime battles!
Don’t be afraid to ask stupid questions
If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. It took awhile for me to muster
up the courage to ask some friends if I should be brushing my 2
year old stepdaughter’s teeth with actual toothpaste. It was mortifying.
But I walked away with important information that I needed to take
the best care of my stepdaughter that I could. Definitely look for
a nonjudgmental friend or family member to pose your questions to.
It’s usually embarrassing enough to have to ask, much less be chided
for it.
Know when to step back
This can be one of the hardest things to do. So you think your three
year old stepchild has a speech impediment, and that he needs speech
therapy. But your husband and his ex-wife disagree. You KNOW this
child needs speech therapy…and yet you are powerless to do anything
about it. It is frustrating, heartbreaking, and unfair. You parent
this child, love this child, and have been around since the child
was a baby…and yet, you do not have the same rights as the biological
parents. This is a situation in which a stepmother must gracefully
detach. Detachment is an art. You must say, “I disagree with what
you are doing, but I respect your right to do it. I am washing my
hands of this situation, and you, as a parent, must deal with the
natural consequences.” And then you must step back. And when the
child is five years old and the school district assigns a speech
therapist, you will just have to be satisfied that you at least
tried to do the right thing.
Continued...
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